Happy Mother's Day! On finding your strength.

If you are a mother or are close to your mother, then you know how special this day is. You also know the true meaning of unconditional love. A mothers love is so deep that she would do anything for her child.

As a daughter to an extremely loyal mother, I know this, I feel this, I aspire to show this to my children, every single day of my life.

People have commented so many times on my strength during this difficult time with Anthony's health. Though I agree I am strong, I have to stop and examine how I got here. It wasn't strength right out of the gate. It has taken time..... it has been a process.

There were many, many dark days for me. Before writing this blog, before many people really understood the depth of our trials.

Days when it was hard to get out of bed. But I did for the kids. Days when I didn't take a shower, heck I rarely brushed my hair. Brad would come home and I would hit straight for the sheets.

Watching your child having spasms is an extremely helpless feeling.  I would have to time them and track them.   There were days when they lasted up to 20 minutes and happened five or six times a day. Those days I didn't feel strong. I felt pretty damn weak. And I was.

Like the time I saw him doing it on the monitored and I wanted to scream. I didn't want to go in his room. I was so angry.

So, when we talk about strength.... it's a process.  I feel honored when people tell me I am strong. But I also feel an obligation to showing my weakness too. It's difficult for a mother to watch their child face adversity. But it's a small price we pay for loving unconditionally.

As mothers we do what we have to do.

So, if you have a medically fragile child, or if someday you do, remember this....

Push through the weakness....you WILL find your strength.