WELCOME TO HOLLAND....

When we started this journey I didn't know where to turn for support.  An infantile spasm diagnosis is pretty rare.  I had so many questions and needed to find answers  Luckily, in the world that we live in there is so much support online.  I quickly found a support group on Facebook and was able to vent, and ask questions freely.  I reached out to one of the parent advocates often and she guided me many times.  One day she passed along this poem.


And I cried my eyes out....

Ironically, When Brad and I decided to start a family we were honeymooning in....

Italy.

 It was a dream come true trip.  We drank wine, ate amazing food, mingled with the locals and saw the sights of Italy I only dreamt I would ever see.  I finally went to the place where my grandparents were raised.  I felt very much at home there.

Two weeks after we got home we found we were pregnant, with our first child, Nicholas.



Nicholas was our "honeymoon" baby.  Literally and figuratively...
I loved being pregnant and his delivery was great as well.  Thanks to the epidural I got to be IN the moment during his birth.


I remember admiring his lashes and his little dimples.  He was just perfect!

Our honeymoon baby never really got over that "honeymoon" phase.  He made parenting easy.  When my friends were complaining of their babies not sleeping through the night I was feeling lucky that Nick slept in his crib, in his room, at 8 weeks old.  And he never really stopped after that.  He never had colic, nursed great and when needed, never refused the bottle.  Just happy and healthy!


His milestones were by the book.  He was either early or within weeks of hitting them and it continues to be fun watching him grow.

It's not that Anthony wasn't a "honeymoon baby" or isn't a "honeymoon."  He certainly is.  

It's just different.

It's a different honeymoon. It's kind of like a honeymoon to.....

Holland.

Anthony's delivery was a bit different.  It was only 4 hours, so there was no time for the epidural and no time for "The Kardashian."

But, when I saw him for the first time....

I. FELL. IN. LOVE

I was hooked. I bonded right off the bat with him.  I was stunned by all his dark hair and his chunky cheeks. And the happiest moment of my life was when our family was reunited and Nicholas met his baby brother, his forever best friend, for the first time.

The first few months of Anthony's life were so much fun.  Nick loved to help.  He would grab his stool and help me change his diapers or get the wipes ready etc.


Anthony didn't really fuss as a baby either.  He LOVED to snuggle and I remember just keeping him on my chest for hours.  He was a strong baby and even rolled early at 3 months.  He smiled easily and was even sleeping through the night at 6 weeks!















When everything changed it was hard to wrap my head around the fact that my baby wasn't meeting his milestones.  I was so used to Nicholas always being on target.  It was always in the back of my head what Nicholas was doing at this age.

I mean, I never got upset about it or anything.


It was just......different.


I think the regression is the hardest part.  You never want to watch your child go backwards.

Once he started gaining strength again (after both diagnosis) it was like we hit the jackpot!  I never thought I'd get so excited to see my baby do the simplest things like suck on his fingers or grab a toy.

They say God only gives us as much as we can handle.

 I am so glad He gave me Anthony.  He has already taught me so much.

Nicholas is our Italy baby, and Anthony is our Holland baby.

And I wouldn't change it for the world....